I wanna live in the past

It's weird right? Why would someone wanna live in the past? I mean like, usually the past is something nobody ever wanted. But somehow, I am missing how my life used to be in the past. Back to the age when I was 7. When I am still a young girl, studying in Guangyang Primary School with my eldest sister. We were alone here. Without our parents. We live with a strict guardian that always ask us to study hard, do homework. Whenever our mum comes to Singapore, it's like the happiest thing ever in life. We would cherish the time spent together with our mum. Though it will only be for a day that she come over, but it was really precious and every minute and seconds, mean so much to us...

Now? Our mum is here with us. We no longer cherish the time spent with her. We know that she will always be here. I mean like, no one would ever want something they already have isn't it? Like you are rich, you want happiness. You are happy but you wanna be rich. We always yearn for something we don't own. Sometimes I really regret coming to Singapore. It's not that its not a good country or city to live in. But i lost something more important in life. Something that meant more to me. My family. My love from my family and the time spent with them. We are like work aholics now. We seldom speak to one another as we are all busy. Yes, you may think of planning a family day but hey, it will always be cancelled last minute due to some busy appointment or one having some events to attend etc. All these are excuses isn't it? Sigh..

I used to be so close to my mum. Really close. I don't even bear to leave her for a second. While my siblings can go out to play, I would rather stay home just to accompany my mum because I don't want her to be alone. How about now? All i bring to my mum was stress, worries and sadness. What has caused all these? I really wish to know. I just want to go back to the past, while all of us were living so happily and the family bonding we have, the love we share, was never selfish, was never that tiny.. sigh....

What's the point of having money when there is no love, there is no happiness? I just wanted my parents and my family to have the best but somehow i don't know how to balance them. I always thought that buying them a branded goods would be the best happiness but all they ever wanted was me to be healthy, to be successful, to be happy. I am still trying to learn this. After all this while living in singapore, frankly speaking, i hated it.

The fact that we have to work everyday, study everyday. Expenses are rising. nothing was easy. We all just care for ourselves. Have we ever thought of showing some concern to our parents and showering them with love? Think about it...